Lost Passion

Let’s be real our relationship isn’t the same. When people ask about us I pretend we’re ok. But let’s face it we’ve been growing distant now. I know it’s got you feeling bruised and confused, you’re wondering how. Now I’m sitting here reminiscing on how we used to be, how our words use to sound like a beautiful symphony. Writing saved my life; and since the spark has left between us I haven’t been feeling right.

You were my natural high, you kept me faded. But life right now has me feeling jaded. I don’t like the position that I’m in. It’s got me feeling like my dream is about to come to an end. Young woman with a college degree, working two minimum wage jobs—barely got time for sleep. I feel like my dream is slipping away, but you’re always there to tell me that everything’s ok.

Things are not the way I planned it, right now I should feel like I’m soaring to another planet. I should’ve won a Pulitzer Prize by now; I should be plotting on how to win a Nobel Peace Prize somehow. Instead I’m sitting here with regret; like my journey to pursue you should be something to forget.

But you’re in the back of my mind telling me that it’s not over yet. Every relationship hits a snag somehow, you can’t be happy every year round. You have to hit the ground in order to soar high; we’re in this together baby, ride or die. But sometimes I feel forsaken by you, I put in endless amount of hard work and you seem to never come through. 

But that’s still no excuse as to why I’ve shown you neglect and I know there’s a part of you that is feeling upset. Like, how dare you say that I’ve never came through; when you were down and lost who helped show you the truth? Who helped you feel like you can make it? Who helped show you that no matter what life has thrown at you, baby you can take it? I was the drive for your college degree; how can you ever feel like you wanna turn your back on me?

I’m ashamed to admit it, but the passion is lost. I guess I’m paying the cost—of chasing a dream and losing my belief in you. Look at all the things that we’ve been through. I look down at my marriage finger, where I tatted your name. I sit back and reflect on that day. My first book came out, and at that time I had no doubt about us. You were the only one I could trust.

 So we made a decision to say I do. I swear I felt immortalized when I was with you. But lately I’ve been feeling more human—feeling more cynic, feeling more resentment. But let’s face it, my heart belongs to you. And I can’t imagine creating another life that doesn’t revolve around you. So I declare that we give this another try; let’s stop going on pretending and living this lie. And I swear I don’t know what brought this on. I guess it’s me sitting here listening to all of these Drake songs.

 We can get back at it again. Because you’re not only the love of my life, but you’re also my best friend. So let’s get back at it like before because you’re the only one that I truly adore. I hate feeling this lost of passion. It’s too early in my career to become a “has been”. Because writing save my life and through all our ups and downs, I’m still proud to be called your wife.      

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2 comments

  1. Ris' Cashi · February 4, 2014

    She’s Back! Loved It!

  2. star · February 4, 2014

    I get it…glad to read a new post. B encouraged!

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