“It’s out there summertime bring me joy/’Cause I can’t seem to find it no more.”—Selah Sue: “Summertime”
She used to want to commit suicide. All she used to think about was how badly she wanted to die. But all of that changed. All of that changed when she missed her period.
He was just a one night stand. A guy that she had no interest in. And although she was depressed and obsessed with ending her life, her body had urges—needs. So for that night she gave into them. She gave into them without a care in the world.
She thought about getting an abortion. She thought it would’ve been cruel to bring a child into the world and then leave it all alone when she eventually killed herself. Or worse, she thought it would’ve been very cruel to bring a child into the world only to kill it too when she eventually killed herself. But something happened to her when she was lying on the table at the abortion clinic.
“But do you feel alone/And all by yourself/Or do you need something more?”
Lyrics from a song she once heard popped into her head. She always felt alone in this world. She was a product of foster care and she never knew what happened to her parents. She was a loner, but the fetus that was growing inside of her could change all of that. She decided to keep the baby.
She sat in a field the next day. The summertime breeze revived her—gave her new life. For the first time in a long time, she smiled. She felt happy. She felt like she has some new meaning to her life.
Every day she sat in that field—the summertime breeze reviving her. And every day she envisioned what life would be like with her unborn child—feeding them, bathing them, taking them to the park, taking them to this field and telling them how every day she came her. How they saved her life.
“Do you feel alone/And all by yourself/Or do you need something more?”
She anticipated on seeing the little one that was growing inside of her. Touching them. Hugging them. Kissing them. Loving them. She wanted to give them the life that she didn’t have. She smiled every time she thought about this—she smiled a lot more.
Summertime gave her joy. It gave her new life—a life.
“Or do you need something more…than this.”
She had a new meaning to her life.
Being a mother was her life.
*Lyrics from Selah Sue “Summertime”