Bless Our Unborn Child

April Sun. 24, 88

Time: 12:26 a.m.

I just bought this book today and people wondered why. I guess you can say that I like to write out my thoughts’. In a few days I’ll be 5 months pregnant it’s so amazing to me how women can walk around with something alive in them. It’s sometimes impossible to believe. I ask God to forgive me for my sins’ and to bless our baby. I often wonder how our baby is going to look. I wonder how God make this work. God forgive us for our sins. Bless us all!

Amen.

**

God forgive us for our sins.

 

“Yo mama and I were cousins,” my father told me one day when I was seven or eight. I forgot how this topic even came up, but that’s what I remember him telling me. My parents’ were cousins, first cousins to be exact, and I am an incest child. I don’t know how I really feel about this. It’s kind of weird.

I have old diary entries from my mother and as I look through them I notice how she always end by saying “God forgive us for all our sins and bless our unborn child.”

 

God forgive us for our sins.

 

“She was talking about them being cousins,” Auntie René told me when I pointed that out. “She always felt a little guilty about what she and yo daddy was doing.”

“She was always afraid that you would be born with some deformities,” Auntie Daune told me, “Because you were an incest baby, she was afraid that God would punish her by having you born with some defects.”

I kept thinking about her feeling guilty. Feeling guilty about being “in love” with my father, who was her first cousin. That guilt made her worry for my safety. Worried that God would curse me to punish her.

 

God forgive us for our sins.

 

I imagined how she felt when she was pregnant with me. When she felt me kick, she would put her hand on her stomach and worry if I would be born with all my toes. She pictured me coming out with just three toes or maybe extra, like twelve. Or maybe one of my arms didn’t quite grow as long as my other one, so I would come out a little disproportionate.

She constantly worried about my safety. She wondered if I would be right mentally. Will I be able to do simple tasks, like brushing my teeth or even walking? Will I be able to learn simple things, like 2+2=4 or that the color of the grass is green? She wondered if I would be born blind. Will I be able to see what she looked liked? Or will I be deaf? Will I be able to hear her voice? It was torture for her.

 

God forgive us for our sins.

 

“Yo mama had some abortions,” one of my aunties told me one day. “She was scared that they wouldn’t be born right.”

“Yo mama didn’t have any abortions,” another auntie tells me. “She wanted a baby by yo daddy. You were her first and only child.”

I don’t know which to believe, but what I can believe is the worry and the guilt that she felt. But I came out fine. I was born with all my toes and both of my arms were the same length. God had answered her prayers. He had given her a healthy baby (beside from having asthma), but he did punish her. He only allowed her to have a year with me. He answered her prayers, but he also took her away.

God forgive us for our sins.


Advertisements

8 comments

  1. tonya herring · September 13, 2011

    THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL PIECE. CONTINUE YOU GREAT WORK. I LOVE YOU ALWAYS [MY GOD DAUGHTER, GWEN’S FIRST & ONLY CHILD!

  2. tonya herring · September 13, 2011

    OOPS…YOUR GREAT WORK.

    • janachantel · September 13, 2011

      Thanks you! 🙂

  3. Noell Love · September 13, 2011

    Wow… That was deep. I had to catch myself from getting lost in my own thoughts! Lol. Though this was a short piece to read, I feel like I just watched a movie.

    • janachantel · September 13, 2011

      Aww, thanks Noell! 🙂

  4. LaVerne Johnson-Young · September 14, 2011

    Very good. keep up the good work!!!!

    Auntie LaVerne

    • janachantel · September 14, 2011

      Thanks Auntie! And I will!

  5. jennifer white · September 26, 2011

    I can guarantee u were the only child my auntie was ever pregnant with…and on the lighter side u did come out a little slow 😉 lol great work nay

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s